Post by Dirk Zephyrs on May 18, 2007 9:29:23 GMT -5
Since Terence lives in Australia, I thought I'd post this for him. It's a 'children's' story about Austria Australia. It's mostly making fun of the people who think about Australia like this, not Australians themselves, as I've told Malvs many times.
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A Children's Fairy Tale-- Vlsma, Pouchless Jack, and the Fairy Princess.
PART 1.
And so, once upon a time, in a world very, very close to a black hole that was once, by ignorant Americans, called "Austria", but is, in fact, Australia, lived Vlsma, a plumber by trade. It wasn't that he enjoyed plumbing; it was that his father had made him promise to take over the family business upon his deathbed.
He was a dashing boy, young Vlsma, that made the gay men give standing ovations while still sitting down, and the women all wanted him up their skirts, but he didn't care for casual sex. He was in love with a young princess, who, by all rights, he was entitled to marry, since his mother was of nobility, but her father, the mean, nasty, Baron (Why they didn't call him King is beyond me!), wanted nothing to do with the deadly-handsome plumber.
So, when a horde of rampaging Kangaroos began terrorizing the farmland about Ayer's (The famous Baron who had outlawed Feudalism, unfortunately, the peasants never caught on to the idea of democracy, so the country became an Enlightened Absolutism.) Rock, the Baron came up with a clever scheme. He would send the plumber out to deal with the Kangaroos without so much as a wrench (Which is actually a very, very powerful rifle, but that's only by circumstance, the Baron meant a tool.).
That day, when young Vlsma came to court his very, very well endowed daughter, he sent a maid to her room to delay her with lesbian temptations, which was, (un)fortunately, something the princess was quite susceptible to, and he approached dashing Vlsma with a friendly smile that caused Vlsma to back away and look at the Baron’s pants (Which were very, very nice—pink silk with little purple ostriches all over.). The Baron pretended not to notice and went on…
“Well, Vlsma, my mate, I think it’s time you ‘n’ I had a long, or short, as the case is, chat about your courting of my daughter…” said the Baron.
“’S this about her being bisexual, ‘cause I already know about that. It’s—“ Vlsma began.
“Yes, yes, but no, this is about something more serious, my mate! You’ve heard about them Kangaroo raids, haven’t you? Of course you have! Well, my mate, I think it’s time that you proved your worth. I’ll give my consent if you go out into the fertile fields and slay the lead Kangaroo, One-footed Pouchless Jack. Bring me his head, and then I’ll wed the two of you myself!” interrupted the Baron.
“Uh… Is there any chance I could speak to the princess before I leave?” asked Vlsma.
“No, I think she’s tied up that maid again…” the Baron cupped a hand over his ear, “And is—“ said the Baron.
“Woah, woah, I don’t need the details… I suppose I’ll be off, then. Oh, and if I miss tea, would you mind saving me a cup?” said Vlsma, quite quickly.
“Sure, me mate!”
So Vlsma left, out into the very fertile fields of Australia’s vivacious northwest…
****************************************************
A Children's Fairy Tale-- Vlsma, Pouchless Jack, and the Fairy Princess.
PART 1.
And so, once upon a time, in a world very, very close to a black hole that was once, by ignorant Americans, called "Austria", but is, in fact, Australia, lived Vlsma, a plumber by trade. It wasn't that he enjoyed plumbing; it was that his father had made him promise to take over the family business upon his deathbed.
He was a dashing boy, young Vlsma, that made the gay men give standing ovations while still sitting down, and the women all wanted him up their skirts, but he didn't care for casual sex. He was in love with a young princess, who, by all rights, he was entitled to marry, since his mother was of nobility, but her father, the mean, nasty, Baron (Why they didn't call him King is beyond me!), wanted nothing to do with the deadly-handsome plumber.
So, when a horde of rampaging Kangaroos began terrorizing the farmland about Ayer's (The famous Baron who had outlawed Feudalism, unfortunately, the peasants never caught on to the idea of democracy, so the country became an Enlightened Absolutism.) Rock, the Baron came up with a clever scheme. He would send the plumber out to deal with the Kangaroos without so much as a wrench (Which is actually a very, very powerful rifle, but that's only by circumstance, the Baron meant a tool.).
That day, when young Vlsma came to court his very, very well endowed daughter, he sent a maid to her room to delay her with lesbian temptations, which was, (un)fortunately, something the princess was quite susceptible to, and he approached dashing Vlsma with a friendly smile that caused Vlsma to back away and look at the Baron’s pants (Which were very, very nice—pink silk with little purple ostriches all over.). The Baron pretended not to notice and went on…
“Well, Vlsma, my mate, I think it’s time you ‘n’ I had a long, or short, as the case is, chat about your courting of my daughter…” said the Baron.
“’S this about her being bisexual, ‘cause I already know about that. It’s—“ Vlsma began.
“Yes, yes, but no, this is about something more serious, my mate! You’ve heard about them Kangaroo raids, haven’t you? Of course you have! Well, my mate, I think it’s time that you proved your worth. I’ll give my consent if you go out into the fertile fields and slay the lead Kangaroo, One-footed Pouchless Jack. Bring me his head, and then I’ll wed the two of you myself!” interrupted the Baron.
“Uh… Is there any chance I could speak to the princess before I leave?” asked Vlsma.
“No, I think she’s tied up that maid again…” the Baron cupped a hand over his ear, “And is—“ said the Baron.
“Woah, woah, I don’t need the details… I suppose I’ll be off, then. Oh, and if I miss tea, would you mind saving me a cup?” said Vlsma, quite quickly.
“Sure, me mate!”
So Vlsma left, out into the very fertile fields of Australia’s vivacious northwest…
